All too often, we see hurting souls who are clearly lost and scared come into the yard. But I will never forget the first time I saw one particular man. He would come outside as soon as the yard opened and would either sit in the stairwell or walk in small circles in the grass in front of the unit. Both myself and others would try to extend ourselves by acknowledging him with a passing greeting, but that only seemed to fuel his discomfort.
One day, staff from another unit called and asked if we had some hygiene items for someone who had none of their own. Our response was, of course, to send them our way. When we saw this man walk into the unit looking so uncomfortable, we knew he was the one who needed the items. He sheepishly accepted the soap, toothpaste, and deodorant we offered. We invited him to join us for prayer circle, and over the next few weeks, several of us made sure to acknowledge him when we saw him. But it didn’t seem to do much good.
A few weeks later, as about 25 of us were gathered for a prayer circle, he made his way to the back of Living Unit 23 and sat in the grass. It was hard to watch him sit, plucking at blades of grass and refusing to lift his head as the Word was delivered.
As we began to pray, he stopped us and asked if he could speak. Of course, we said yes. Then he hit us all with 10 minutes of things we never expected to hear. He spoke about struggling with suicidal thoughts and being in a desperate state of loneliness. He then revealed that he was not only a pedophile but also had “snitched” on some people who beat him up when his charges came to light. For those of you who have never been incarcerated, I cannot stress enough the danger that comes with even one of those realities, let alone both.
I sat there, so nervous, knowing what I would have to do once he was done speaking. I knew, no matter how awkward I felt, I would have to stand up in front of our circle of believers—yes, but still convicts and gang members nonetheless—and tell this person he was both loved and accepted.
Imagine both my surprise and relief when one of the more influential members of one of the more influential and violent gangs stood up to say all I was so nervous to say, along with so much more. I will never forget that day when I was humbled to my core by being afraid to say what was said by the last person I would have expected to say it.
If you have never been inside here, you may not understand the gravity of this scenario. Those of us who are or have been in here can understand and appreciate the power of that moment. We have no doubt that we witnessed the very power of grace given to us all through the salvation of Jesus Christ.
